I hope you read that title imagining me clicking my fingers to an Italian-sounding soundtrack. If you don’t get that reference, I’m glad for you because it is seriously overdone.

Here is a list of things that we use daily in our house to help make the days a little easier for Caleb (diagnosed ASD) and us as a family. Hopefully doesn’t need saying but these are not ads or affiliate links, I’m not getting any money for these recommendations! Just passing on what works for us in the hope it might help you and/or your family too.

• Visual timetable

At first, we found that this kind of picture timetable didn’t really work with Caleb. They didn’t work at his preschool, but they did with his support worker. She used them to list all the activities they would do together and each time they finished one, Caleb would lift off the card and pop it in a post box. We have started using them in the morning and at bedtime and a visual reminder of the routine does seem to help him, even if it doesn’t magically make things easier for us. We use these, but there are many options. I know they use them at school too, and if it removes any anxiety from Caleb’s day, we feel it’s worth giving it a shot.

• Social stories

Caleb’s teacher uses a programme called Widget to create social stories for Caleb and they have been revolutionary in helping Caleb settle into school. He loves reading his “Caleb stories” and knowing exactly what is going to happen and how he needs to behave has really helped him transition into school. The teacher wrote him a story for the Harvest festival at church and the nurses coming in to give the flu vaccine. This “kind hands” story is one of his favourites, he recites it every day! You can buy a license for the programme but it’s quite pricey. It’s worth checking whether your kid’s school has it or something similar on their system.

• Lap tray

Caleb sits on the sofa in front of the TV to eat his meals. Is it the best option? Probably not. Does it mean he eats happily and calmly? Yes. In lieu of a table, we bought him a lap tray to have his plate on. Again, it’s what works for us and our family.

• Hat

It is rare to see Caleb without his trusty Lightning McQueen hat. It has definitely been a comfort object for him for about a few years now. There’s something about the gentle pressure on his head/ it being his favourite character/ the protection and hiding place it offers him. Thankfully the school is really happy for him to wear it even though it doesn’t exactly fit uniform requirements! He’s pretty good at taking it off when they ask him to and then he’ll just go and put it back on when he can. We do notice that the days he hasn’t got it for whatever reason are more tricky, and we have had to go back to get it from home and bring it to school. But if it helps to keep him regulated and happy then it’s all good.

• Screens

Screens are demonised in modern parenting but, in our house, we give the kids unlimited access. They’re not on it every minute of every day, but when they ask for videos (they watch YouTube Kids on tablets), we let them watch them. Occasionally we thrust videos on the kids when we just. need. a. break. Occasionally they don’t want to watch them (so we groan internally). The benefit for Caleb is that screens help him regulate. We just decided to extend the unlimited screen use to the twins as well to make it fair for them and to make our lives easier. Honestly, they don’t spend ages on them and they’re always happy to surrender them when we say it’s time. Maybe the unlimited access takes the novelty away.

• Buckets of patience and dollops of love

Living with a child who struggles daily with life can be incredibly challenging for us as his parents. It’s awful to watch your child suffering in any way, especially when you feel helpless to make them feel better. Therefore, we need to take a lot of deep breaths and have endless patience so we don’t add to his anxiety and stress. That and lots of physical affection, encouraging words, and lots of fun and laughter help to bolster Caleb’s mood and self-esteem. We don’t always get it right, we do lose our patience and get cross. We are human, after all. But I like to think that, even if our house is full of screaming and tears a lot of the time, it’s equally, or hopefully more so, filled with love, laughter and fun.

Do you use anything in your house that helps your neurodivergent child?