I’ve been looking through my journals from the time I was pregnant with the girls to remind myself what it was like and there is so much that I’d just forgotten about! It was an anxiety-ridden pregnancy for a number of reasons, not least it all being within lockdowns. I’m not going to lay bare all my thoughts and feelings during that time as, as you can imagine, they were varied and plentiful! But here’s an edited version of our pregnancy journey that I’d love to share with you…

I fell pregnant during the first lockdown, when we were convinced the whole COVID thing would be over soon, certainly by the time the baby was born… How wrong we were! But anyway… It felt different from my pregnancy with Caleb very quickly. I joked with Sam that maybe it was twins because I started showing early on and felt much more nauseous earlier and for longer, though I did put it down to it being a second pregnancy at the time. We just laughed it off and didn’t think much of it.

It was when we went for our 12 week scan that the truth was revealed! At first when the sonographer was scanning my tummy, only one baby was showing on the screen and it all looked good. However, she then moved her probe and exclaimed “Oh! There’s another one!” After a quick check to make sure there weren’t any more hidden away, she checked baby two and thankfully everything was ok. Meanwhile, Sam and I were having mini existential crises involving thoughts of “how will we cope with twins?” and “we’re going to need to get a bigger car”.  For a while we sat in stunned silence as the sonographer filled in the necessary paperwork and sent us on our merry way as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened.

Thankfully, on that very day, we had picked up a double buggy from someone off Facebook marketplace, thinking one of the seats would be for Caleb. Alas, no. 

Immediately I recognised that were a number of expectations I had had of this second baby that would need to change. Such as the simple joy I had envisioned of taking Caleb to the park with a little baby strapped to my chest… Not so easy with two.

As we left the hospital, I was feeling mixed emotions of elation and terror, you’ll have to ask Sam how he was feeling! We’d left Caleb with our close friends Hanna and Simon, so, lucky them, they got to see us in our stunned, pale states. I showed Hanna the scan photos and just pointed at where it said “Twin 1” and she got it straight away, squealed and gave me a hug. Simon took a little longer…

So then it was on to telling our family! What with it being lockdown, we sadly couldn’t wait to tell our family the news in person so we had to do it over the phone. I messaged my parents and brother saying it was twins and my dad phoned me to ask if I was serious! When I told him it was true he was just as stunned as we were! Mum was very excited, but also there was a lot of chat about the extra risks of a twin pregnancy and the craziness of life that lay ahead.

Because the twins were identical, ie sharing a placenta, from 16 weeks I had fortnightly scans.  As this was during COVID, most of the scans I went to by myself, coming out with reams of photos that I thankfully didn’t have to pay for, in awe that they could always tell which twin was which. It was during these scans that measurements were taken, of the twins and of the amniotic fluid. A few worrying scans led to more scans, one even at a different hospital with a specialist. It was a very different experience to my pregnancy with Caleb where I only had the 12 weeks scan, 20 weeks scan and a random growth scan near the end. This felt a lot more medical, serious and anxiety inducing, often unnecessarily so when subsequent scans showed there was nothing wrong.

One of the concerns at the time was the possibility that the twins might have twin-to-twin syndrome, a serious condition that in the worst cases is fatal for one or both twins. This led to multiple extra scans, blood tests, and conversations with consultants. What it actually came down to was someone made an error in calculating the percentage of weight difference and once that error was realised and corrected, the concern was almost eradicated. I remember being so frustrated at the time, having all that worry being down to a mistake someone made along the way. After that mistake was made I was then slightly wary of any comments made about the babies’ sizes, at points being convinced they were measuring and comparing the wrong twin. That was really difficult, as I had to simply trust that these professionals knew what they were doing and had the babies’ best interests at heart.

I can’t talk scans without mentioning the 20 weeks one! I was silently hoping it would be two girls a) because I would love a baby girl and b) because I wasn’t sure how I’d cope with three boys! Thankfully of course it did turn out to be girls, though Sam does to this day question what my reaction would have been if it had been boys! I was very excited.

So it was at an extra scan at a point where there had been further concerns about one of the twins’ size, when I was 33 weeks, that the doctor doing my scan saw in my notes that one of the twins hadn’t been growing as expected and saw on her screen that twin 1’s amniotic fluid was a little low. She stepped out to phone the consultant managing my pregnancy then came in and confirmed that they were going to admit me and get the twins out as soon as they could! I had not been expecting this, I was expecting to go to at least 36 weeks, which is when they normally deliver identical twins. I shakily phoned Sam, drove home to pack a bag then Sam and Caleb drove me back to the hospital. We were all feeling very emotional and stressed, it was not quite the exciting time you expect when you’re about to have your baby. The scans were suggesting something could be wrong so we really didn’t know the journey that was ahead of us.

Tune back in next week to find out what happens next 😉.

A lot of you reading this will remember the many twists and turns we had during this pregnancy, and you faithfully prayed for us and looked out for us. Thank you ❤️.