“It’s the most wonderful time of the year…” yes it is a wonderful time of year, but it is potentially the most stressful. Now, life is stressful enough without adding a million things to our to-do list, with the dark evenings and freezing cold mornings. If anything, now is the time of year to give yourself some grace and ease your foot off the accelerator.

With that in mind, here are 10 things we don’t do anymore at Christmas time:

1. Send Christmas cards: 2 years ago I wrote 20 Christmas cards to 2-3 year old kids who can’t read. Why? Because everyone else did. We’ve not done Christmas cards generally for years now and I don’t regret it!
2. Buy presents for everyone: this year we’re doing Secret Santa with my family. It saves us from the mental load of thinking of presents and the financial load of buying them all! I know a lot of families do this, maybe it can become your tradition?
3. Christmas Eve boxes/Elf on the Shelf/elaborate Advent calendars: Christmas is overwhelming enough for us and the kids without adding more presents and expectations. No judgment at all if they are things you enjoy doing, just don’t feel you have to do it if everyone else is. I may get some PJs for the kids because I like the idea of them wearing nice new pyjamas on Christmas morning, because that is something that will bring me (and hopefully them) joy. Not just for the ‘gram.
4. Choose multiple types of present: last year when we were buying for my whole family, I decided to buy them all a book. Not the same book, but the same type of present. It eased my decision on what to buy and I just sourced them all secondhand off Vinted. Maybe one year you buy everyone experiences, or a jumper, or socks! Choose once then individualise. Also, would always advocate for secondhand gifts!
5. Visit Santa/Santa’s grotto: I know without us even having done it before that my kids would hate Santa! I just know it would be meltdown-central and I’m not here for that right now. The kids are at an age when they don’t know what they’re missing so thankfully there are no arguments here.
6. Elaborate Christmas lunch: Sam is very busy in the lead up to, and then working on, Christmas Day, so the day itself and Boxing Day are going to be as chilled as possible. Sam and I may have a small roast just the two of us, and the kids will probably have sandwiches as that is what they will eat. It will probably all be in front of the TV as that’s how we eat our meals. Then we’re seeing family the next few days which will be busy and filled with lots of food. Keeping things the same as possible as much as possible will help everyone on the days when things will inevitably be different.
7. Christmas fairs: crowded places with lots of things to look at are too overwhelming for our kids, so we give them a pass. This year I helped sticker a load of raffle prizes for the preschool stall in the lead up to the fair as I knew I wouldn’t make it on the day. It helped me feel involved and I was able to contribute to it running without being there on the day. Basically, there are other ways to help than being there at the event!
8. Buy all the Christmas food and things: we have a tree and decorations we use every year. I’m not making a wreath. We don’t like mince pies, Christmas cake or Christmas pudding particularly. I will be buying cranberry sauce despite being the only person who will eat it. We won’t be dressing our porch or covering the front of our house with lights. If you want to do these things because you enjoy them and they add something special to your Christmas, go for it! But don’t if you just feel like you “should”.
9. Multiple Christmas services: this one is particularly to the clergy families reading. You. Don’t. Have. To. Go. To. Every. Service. Lots of churches have services coming out of their ears at Christmas. There are Christingles, carol services, outside Nativities, inside Nativities, crib services, midnight masses, Christmas Day communions and Christmas Day family services. This year I’m hoping to take the girls to a crib service and us all to go to the family service on Christmas Day and that’s it. There will be Caleb’s school Nativity, but even that I’m holding very loosely. I love church, I do, but you can sing “Once in Royal David’s City” too many times.
10. Having high expectations: in my over 5 years of parenting, one of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt the hard way is to lower my expectations. This is from someone who naturally has quite high expectations. But Christmas (and life) with kids, whether they’re neurodivergent or not, rarely goes as you plan, or as you hope. So lower expectations can be more easily met and exceeded, bringing joy more easily. What do I mean by this? This year, it will be a win if we can get the kids into church on Christmas Day. If we stay for the whole service and have a great time, massive bonus! If we just get through the door, and last 5 minutes, that’s ok, we kept a tradition going and gave it a go. If I go in hoping we’ll have a wonderful time celebrating with our church family, singing songs and showing off presents, it will break my heart if/when one of the kids doesn’t want to participate at all or screams the room down. Hold things loosely and protect your heart.

I hope this doesn’t put a downer on Christmas but instead releases you from feeling any obligation to do particular things just because everyone else does. Christmas is the time to do what works for you as a family, couple or individual. And let’s stop putting so much pressure on this time of year being so magical. We can try to make it as magical as we can if it brings us joy, but we don’t have to! Christmas is special all on its own because it’s when Jesus came to Earth as a tiny baby to conquer death because of His great love for us. You can’t make it more magical than that.

Have a look at Motherkind and Anna Mathur on social media if this strikes a chord with you. They’re doing a lot of work this Christmas on lessening the load.