This week marks our twins girls’ third birthday! I can’t believe that they’re no longer my babies but fully fledged preschoolers (though of course, they’ll always be my babies). It’s been a whirlwind three years, incredibly hard at times but also unspeakably beautiful.

There is nothing quite like raising multiples, and it’s difficult to convey exactly what it’s like to people who haven’t done it before. So I thought I would compile a list of things that twin parents would like to tell others about having twins. I asked friends and also a couple of twin parents’ Facebook groups to share and here’s what we came up with!

Starting off with some of my thoughts…

• You just do it. So many people have asked me “How do you do it?” or said, “I couldn’t do it”. But, like everything in life, you just do it. You find what works best/what causes as little stress and you get on with it. I have (pre-twins) been one of those people who thought I couldn’t possibly handle twins. And yet here I am! Surviving and occasionally thriving.
• It’s in equal parts hilarious, wonderful, and terrifying when they talk in their own language to each other, as you have no idea what they may be plotting!
• The phrase “double trouble” really bugs me, but you do indeed get double of everything. Double the dirty nappies, double the sick, double the mess. But also double the joy, double the love, and double the fun.
• It can be so difficult to see them as two different people at times, especially when they’re identical. But, of course, they have their own personalities, their own likes and dislikes, and their own strengths and weaknesses. The challenge to treat them as separate people when they’re always together is a big one!

Other twin parents’ thoughts*

• It’s more than double the work of one, on less than half the sleep! But the way they cuddle each other makes it so worth it- Hannah
• You’ll get stopped several times a day by people who want to tell you about their aunty’s cousin’s best friend who has twins- Emma S
• Nobody told me how amazing it is! Seeing their bond strengthen, seeing them develop their personalities and them discovering the world together. It’s the greatest privilege- Ulrica
• I didn’t realise how much of a people person you’ve got to be😂. I just want to push my pram and mind my own business 😅- Jess
• You will probably have a lot of feelings about what you ‘thought’ life with a baby might look like. The same with birth and what that might have looked like in reality. And then more uncertainty about what the future looks like, especially in regards to more children and if that’s even a viable possibility- Emily
• I love it when people who are twins are like “I’M A TWIN! I LOVE MY TWIN!” It’s so cute- Holly
• Complete strangers will want to talk in graphic detail about your pregnancy/delivery and whether or not they’re IVF babies- Rebecca
• Here’s the truth I’ve found…to be true, for me (with that cautious caveat, every family is different!): When they get to a certain age, having twins seems to be easier than having one. As my twins have grown from babies to toddlers to little kids, people have regularly commented “Wow! Twins? That must be hard?” but mine entertain each other. There’s that joke that mums never get to have a hot cup of tea but I often do. Of course, I play with them (I promise haha) but if they want to play they have a perfect playmate ready and waiting. They don’t constantly need me. And oh biscuits, am I grateful.- Sarah (@sarahclarkecelebrates on Insta, give her a follow for some wonderful twin content!)
• You get so much attention when out with twins and mainly negative sounding comments – “you’ve got your hands full”, “I don’t know how you do it” and “double trouble”. They make me laugh because I think, you have no idea, my heart is fuller, I don’t have a choice but to do it and wouldn’t have it any other way and it’s double the joy. Yes, it’s not always easy but what toddler is! I’ve got a mug and it says ‘I’ve got twins. What’s your superpower?’ and as silly as that is, it sums up how life with twins feels perfectly. There’s a lot more going on in this world, so demands for snacks and requests for Peppa Pig twice over are more than manageable. Just got to keep that mug full of coffee 😅- Hels
• They fight like absolute savages- April
• You have such different relationships with each twin despite being twins. Maybe from a girl/boy perspective this is more? But raising a boy and a girl at the same time is wild.- Emily
• The comparison starts almost as soon as they are born: “I cuddled this one whilst that one had to go to NICU, and now this one is making eye contact and smiling, whilst that one is still looking through me rather than at me…” And suddenly they are in school. That one is spectacular with reading, writing and counting, and has a gift for friendship-making, empathy and compassion. This one is still working out her place in school, still learning how to be a good friend, some days she tries really hard with her reading and counting but some days she isn’t bothered at all. Are they different because of me? Did I do something right with That One that I forgot to do with This One? Or, worse, did I do something wrong with This One that That One managed to escape. When they were babies, we chose what was right for them together as a pair. When to wean them, when to potty train them. They just hit those milestones together. Now we are navigating them discovering their own unique personalities and interests, and making decisions with and for them that are right for each individual child, not forgetting that they have a very special, unique relationship with their twin and a very special, unique identity as a twin. Ultimately I believe that actually, I wasn’t given two blank human babies to unfold. I was gifted two intended, wonderfully designed, and cleverly created babies by the King of the Universe, who loves them and knows them. Trusting him with them is the best way I can grow as their mum.- Lucy

Does anything here surprise you? Maybe it’s encouraged you to speak differently to twin parents you see. Maybe it’s shown you that parenting twins isn’t (only) the chaos you assume it is. Maybe it’s revealed the challenges of having twins, so you’re inspired to reach out to people you know who have them. I’d love to know what you think.

*I have edited some of these for clarity and conciseness and changed some names.