Just a few days after B & L turned three, they had their last ever breastfeed. I’m feeling a lot of feelings about it. I’m insanely proud to have fed twins for as long as I did, heartbroken that I’m never going to breastfeed a baby again and profoundly relieved that it’s over. Apart from a few months when I was pregnant with the twins, I had been breastfeeding continuously for 5 years. Now I feel like I’m stepping into a season of claiming my body back. I can now wear clothes that don’t have easy boob access! The girls are spending longer in nursery, C is now doing full time in school, I suddenly have more time and slightly more headspace to think about me and what I want to do with my life.
However, I’m also stepping into this season with a totally different body to before I had kids, with no sense of how to dress myself and only a little bit of a sense of who I actually am and what I actually want. I’m sure lots of mums/parents of tiny ones who are growing up can relate. So much of my focus has been on the next feed, on how to entertain/care for the kids, so much of my time has been taken up by them (and rightly so, as they are fully dependent on us as their parents!) It’s a bittersweet season to be stepping into as they don’t need us as much as they did, which is so freeing but also makes my heart ache for the baby stage.
Writing has always been the way I process my thoughts and try to figure out who I am, so this practice of frequently writing blog posts has been helpful for me. Often, if you read it, you’ll be hopping into my stream of consciousness which will have many twists and turns and the occasional waterfall, so hold on tight!
At the end of last year, I demarked this year as the year of claiming my body back from the season of early motherhood. I stopped breastfeeding, I had my ears re-pierced (they had closed up after years of not wearing earrings), you may remember I wrote a whole blog post on my love for running… Of course, life always gets in the way of these things and a knee injury and frequent illnesses have prevented me from running as much as I was planning and hoping to. I want to strive for health in the physical and mental sense (yes I’m aware I sound like my fitness watch) now that my body is my own again.
How to do this? I don’t fully know, and it will probably take time and much trial and error. But I’m game to squeeze as much as I can out of my “one wild and precious life”, so here goes.
Are you in a similar season? Have you already been in this season and have tips for me? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Emma Dinsmore 
Emma I love your open & honest, straight from the heart ‘splurges’. To me, making myself vulnerable opens a door for others to be so too & that’s exactly what your writing does. It’s empowering girl so keep at it. 💗
For many women, we rise and fall like the breath from our chests, through daily life which turns all too quickly, into season upon season of change. I’ve been experiencing something like this too, over the last year or so.
After 2 years of spectacular health issues, ( I had a double mastectomy, a massive post surgical haemorrhage followed by colitis) I lost 3 stones and some marbles I didn’t know I had (chemo does that to you) but one of the hardest parts about it all was & still is, finding the new me! I could approach it in 1 of 2 ways. Would I praise the Lord for giving me a new adventure or challenge Him for letting me go through it all? I chose the former.
My work-life ended so that part of me disappeared along with bodily parts! What now, I wondered. I could support others who were travelling the same road as that which I had journeyed but with no formal/paid work to go to, I discovered just how much of my identity was wrapped up in what I did & of course, that work was only part of who I am. But I missed getting dressed professionally for those I served. (I was never going to turn up in jeans). I had to make an effort. They, were worth it & in the lives they had lived (they were older folk) being smartly dressed was a mark of respect.
Now, I’m not the sort of person who has to fill my time but I do want to make what I do count. Finding that part of the new me has been relatively easy. With vast experience of working with human beings from all walks of life & with many life experiences & armed with lots of training in helping women find their God ordained purpose there weren’t too many issues there. No, the biggest issue in many ways, was what do I wear? Like you, I’m not the me I was before children & even less so with very little hair, a flat chest & a much smaller frame. Things that I would naturally pick off a hanger in Tesco now looked like sacks on me & the flowing layers of soft fabrics I used to wear to cover a multitude of sins just looked ridiculous. I also used to go for bright florals but now find myself looking for a maximum of 3 colours and in muted shades on the whole.
So, what is the formula for finding a style that suits us & says something about who we are because actually, this stuff is important.
Well…I’d plan a day off with a girl friend. Take time out for yourself & go shopping! Try on anything that takes your eye & have fun with it. Don’t rule out anything (well not quite!) & by the end of the day you’ll have a pretty good idea of what image you’d like to project in the physical. on a practical note, I would wait a few weeks until the spring season has set in as everything is very in-between atm.
As the natural seasons change & the kids grow you’ll find your style will change too. You know that poem, when I grow old I will wear purple…let’s just say ‘I’m working on it’ 😂.
For women in particular these seasons happen often more regularly than the passage of time. Enjoy them. We’re so Blessed to have them.
And finally, if you need a little great reading around the whole area of women dealing with new seasons, give ‘Sensible Shoes’ a go. It’s a fabulous chick-lit which will have you laughing & crying all in one session & you won’t ever want the story to end.
Be Blessed on this new phase of your life Ems,
Jo
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