There aren’t many things I hate. I’m scared of bats, I don’t like eggs or nuts and I really don’t like it when people are mean or rude to others. But one thing I really do hate is depression. Depression is a thief. It steals days, weeks, months, sometimes even years. It steals people. It’s stolen my mum, my husband, a number of my friends and other family members. It steals memories. I had a wonderful childhood but there are some memories depression has claimed. It steals desire, hope, joy and energy. It steals motivation and focus. It has stolen from me time and time again. But, it hasn’t stolen me. I am merely an observer, a bystander, as it steals from my loved ones. Some struggle more with it than others. Some can cope with medication, space and friends. Some you wouldn’t even know suffer from it. But us humans are great actors. We wear convincing masks and tell convincing stories. Stories like “I’m fine” and “it doesn’t bother me” and “I’m not scared”. The gift and curse of being close to those struggling with The Thief is that you see right through those masks. The tone of voice, the faded light in their eyes, the way they hold themselves. You can read them, and you do read them out of concern if they’re OK. Sometimes you’re looking for something that’s not even there and they really are fine. But the anxiety is present until you’re convinced. It makes me sad that so many people I know struggle with depression. Ignorance may say it makes me depressed. But I know I’ve never felt that weight. Never felt that darkness. As much as I say I’d rather it be me than them, I don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s not something to wish on anyone. People with depression have been campaigning to convince others that it is a real illness, it needs to be taken seriously, it needs funding for treatment. But me, I don’t need any more convincing. I’ve held my mum’s hand as we’ve walked through a crowded room and sat waiting for her to return after running away. I’ve sat with my husband during a panic attack and given him space when I’ve needed him. I have visited a friend in hospital after she put herself there. This is no joke. This is not feeling down or under the weather. This is not something you can snap out of, though I’m very guilty of wishing they just would. This is real. And I hate it. The pain it’s causing me is negligible next to the pain it’s causing them. But it does hurt me. How can it not? My days are at the mercy of my husband’s moods. My heart has been broken listening to my mum crying down the phone. My mind is stuck on whether my friend is going to die. Depression, I hate you. But you will not steal me too. I will fight you. I will shine light into the darkness you cover them with. I will speak truth into the lies you whisper in their ears. I will hold them together as you try to pull them apart. You will not win. Love will win. Hope will win. We will win. You can piss off.

Tonight at church was Advent Sunday, the first Sunday in the countdown to Christmas. The theme was Jesus being the light of the world. Most, almost all, of the service was in darkness with the lights off. It was an overwhelming darkness in such a vast space.

Angie, who was leading, at one point led us in a reflection. On the floor in the middle of the church was a map of the world on silver foil. Angie encouraged us to think of someone or a place that was struggling with darkness. We were then to light a tea light and put it on the map. The person who immediately came to my mind was a friend of mine struggling with mental illness. But, after I had put the lit tea light on the map and sat back in my chair, watching as the map filled with these little lights, I thought of so much more. I thought of those trapped in slavery, abuse, hunger. Those in war torn countries, those running from war. Children without families. People without friends. The harm inflicted on people by other people. And as I watched the map fill, I thought to myself… this is a lovely image. A lovely metaphor. But what would it look like to bring light into those places, into those peoples’ lives? I’m not dismissing the power of prayer, we should pray, prayer works. But we are representing Jesus whilst we’re here on Earth. So, therefore, we are representing the light of the world.

But how do we show that light? Philippians 2:14-16 says “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, ‘children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.’ Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.” My first reaction to this was: there must be more to bringing light to the world than not complaining… But then I acknowledged that I am a complainer. I moan, I whine, I grumble! What would my life look life if I decided to stop grumbling and complaining? Let’s see! There’s something about living differently to those around you. This verse is relevant today, there’s no denying our generation can be pretty warped and crooked. So if we hold firmly to the word of God and live how Jesus taught us to live, we will stand out. We will be the shining lights in the dark sky.

How else? Matthew shows Jesus saying to his followers, “You are the light of the world… let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14-15). Good deeds are quite obvious. But this is more than just doing your “good deed of the day”. This is doing good deeds to show people Jesus, to point them to God. So let’s look for opportunities to do good, let’s ask for opportunities to do good. Let’s not hide the light we have been given. Because there is so much darkness in the world. So much depression. So much pain. But we can’t let it overwhelm us. John 1:5 says “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” So pray that God will shine through you. Pray that he will bring light to the world, and then be that light. Show kindness to strangers. Show love to your friends. Try to to complain. Leave people better than how you found them. Fight for what is right. Give voice to the voiceless. Stand for justice. Sign petitions. Write to your MP. Do SOMETHING. The world needs light. The world needs Jesus. The world needs you.