In my opinion, this is a very strange, yet oddly compelling, book by Jeanette Winterson. It revolves around a character called Jeanette (not entirely sure if the book is autobiographical), a member of a very strict church who realises at a young age that she is gay. The narrative is largely about how she is ostracised and demonised by her church, yet she doesn’t understand why. It’s a heartbreaking story because Jeanette wants to hold onto her faith and remain a member of the church but the church doesn’t want her, because of who she’s fallen in love with. Inevitably at the end of the book we find she’s lost her faith and dreams of being a missionary. She says, “I miss God. I miss the company of someone utterly loyal.”

What is odd about this book is it is interspersed with stories of King Arthur and similar stories… I didn’t get why but someone wiser than me may understand!

Jeanette is a strong protagonist, sticking with her convictions and feelings while her love interests slink away. It makes me cringe how her church responds to her, yet I’m all too aware that Jeanette’s experiences are familiar to many. 

This isn’t an easy going book, but it’s creative, occasionally funny, heartbreaking, well written and thought provoking. 

Last night (Saturday), we were privileged enough to see the incomparable Bear’s Den in St Stephen’s Church at Bushstock festival. It was an amazing night; the church was packed, hundreds of people singing along or sat in awe-filled silence at the beautiful music these guys were producing.

It wasn’t until tonight (Sunday) at church after I had just prayed for the families and loved ones of the victims of the Orlando massacre and Jo Cox, that a thought occurred to me. Bear (hawh hawh) with me as this may not make sense, or may just be a load of mushy nonsense. But we’ll see. I feel like I want to add my say to the cacophony out there and hope that it may shine some light or bring some hope.

In that old church on Saturday night, there were no divides. It didn’t matter what race you were, what country you were from (there were numerous different accents), what your sexual orientation was, what religion you followed, what your political view was, what gender you were, whether you had tattoos or not, whether you drank or not, whether you had children or not, it didn’t even really matter if you were a fan of Bear’s Den or not…. That night (arguably for the whole festival, but, for me, particularly that set) we were all one. Swept away by this transcendent music, singing with strangers, cosied up to people whose names we didn’t know, sharing oxygen and smiles with humans we might never see again. That is the magic of live music and, after this week, it is a vitally important and wonderful thing.

“What unites us is far greater than what divides us”. These immortal words were first spoken by President John F. Kennedy in a 1961 address to the Canadian Parliament. Jo Cox referenced the quote in her maiden speech to the UK Parliament. How true this is, but how often we let what divides us blind us. As I said, in that packed church on Saturday night, there were no divides. We were united by music and by experience.

I’m not going to claim to know the motives of the Orlando killer or the killer of Jo Cox. But hate so often stems from fear and fear from seeing differences.

Imagine, what if we strove to see similarities rather than differences? To show empathy instead of judgement? Love instead of hate? Community instead of disunity? (Those who know the label Bear’s Den are signed to may see a clever link coming….)

At church tonight, our vicar David encouraged us to share “the peace” with each other before communion. This basically means wandering around the church hugging friends, shaking hands with others and saying “peace be with you”. David invited us to share blessings with each other in place of the curses which seem to be out in the world. Sharing love and light to prove there is not just hate and darkness. So we did. We embraced and we laughed and we shook hands.

In church we are community, different but united. In St Stephen’s Church on Saturday, we were community, different but united. The communion we share may be bread and wine, or music. (For those of you not in the know, the label is Communion).

But how are we meant to share community with people who are different to us? Who look/sound/love/act different to us? Bear’s Den have a song called Agape. Agape is the love of God/Christian love. It’s a love that is completely selfless and self-giving. Sacrificial love. You may not have ever seen that love before in a person, but Christians see that love in Jesus. So we strive to imitate him; imitate how he loves others, how he loves the broken, the downtrodden, the outcasts, the “sinners”. It’s hard, of course, because we’re not God. But we try.

Love crosses oceans. Chasms. It can cross the space between you and that person who you just don’t get because they are so different to you. Whatever love looks like to you, don’t just save it for your friends and family. Share it out. This world can be a dark, scary place. People kill other people senselessly. But if we unite around our similarities and, instead of shunning, celebrate our differences, then what colour, what light we could bring. Jesus commands it of us, but we also owe it to each other, ourselves, and future generations.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This wonderful book is about work, the Sabbath and the future to come.

The blurb on the back starts with, “We’ve all heard it said: It’s who you are that matters, not what you do. Really? Where do the Scriptures teach that?”

I’ve definitely heard that before, and I’m pretty sure I’ve said it before too. However, as this book has helped me see, it absolutely does matter what you do. But perhaps more importantly, it matters how you do it. Comer’s argument is that you can be a binman, a bus driver, a neuroscientist, a teacher, an architect, a sales assistant, anything*! As long as you are giving it your all, working to the best of your abilities and doing it all for the glory of God. Humans were made to work and we will be working in the new heaven and new earth.

*Although, Comer does stress that the work should be good for the world and add something to the world ie. not be destructive, greedy, violent etc

I think the message of the book can be summed up in this line from it: “The goal of work isn’t to make money to buy more stuff; it’s to cooperate with the Creator God in world making, and then to take a step back and delight in our Garden-like world.”

If you hate your job, or you don’t think it’s “good” enough, if you don’t know what you should be doing or you love your job… I would recommend you read this.

I hope you never have to use this checklist. I hope you are able to get a job you love (and keep it). But just in case, know that this is there for you.

These are just suggestions and, honestly, I’m largely writing them to remind myself to do them. Recently I’ve been finding unemployment very frustrating and lonely when actually it’s a time I will probably (hopefully) never get back again. A long stretch of time with no boss, no obligations (apart from to find a job… and survive) and nothing to do. Freedom!!

So here are some recommendations…

1. Try to get up at the same time every day. It doesn’t have to be super early but try before 10. A sense of routine helps and stops you from being lazy. I always find the longer I lie in, the more difficult it is to get up, shower and feel like a human. Answering the door at 3 o’clock in your pyjamas feels baaaaaaaad.
2. Aim to spend time with someone every day. Believe me, you’ll regret it otherwise. Don’t make unemployment a more lonely thing than it already is. Offer your help to whoever will take it, visit family, help out friends, go out for a drink….
3. Teach yourself a new skill or make something! I’m teaching myself calligraphy by copying pictures off Pinterest. I’ve also got a lot more into painting and started this blog. You have the time to spend on something you’ve always wanted to do, so don’t deny yourself. It would be great to look back at this time with a sense of accomplishment and fondness eg “That was the time I taught myself Spanish/origami/Tuvan throat singing (Google it)” or “That was the time I wrote a book/poem/song/recipe book” or “That was when I read 10 books (so far, yup!)”.
4. Don’t be too hard on yourself. So much easier said than done but taking rejections to heart and beating yourself up over them is damaging and painful. So try not to do it. Let friends tell you how great they think you are, and even ask if you’re brave enough! Remind yourself of all you have achieved already. You are amazing and will get through this.
5. Similarly to the third point do something that makes you proud. For me, it was publishing my blog post on depression. That took guts and it spoke to a lot of people so I’m proud of it. At the end of a good day at work, you would naturally feel pride at what you have achieved. When there’s nothing set for you to do, you have to create the opportunity to make yourself proud. But it will seriously help your self-esteem.
6. Be honest with other people when you’re finding it hard. There’s no benefit to putting on a brave face and shoving your feelings down when you’re struggling. Find a trusted friend and let. it. out.
7. Obviously, apply for as many jobs as you can and when you think you’ve applied for enough, apply for more. Let people know you’re looking for a job and ask them to keep you in mind. Check out your local council, local charities, education websites etc etc. Sign on to recruitment agencies. Tryyyy not to hold out or pin everything on one job. Please. It may just end up breaking your heart. Emotionally, keep jobs at a reasonable distance until you get an interview, or the job itself, even.
8. Take the time to think about what you really want to do. Do some research, try things out, ask people already in the job… This is something I need to get better at.
9. Make sure you eat well and exercise. You have the time, so use it well. Go for a run, do a Zumba workout via You Tube, go swimming, teach yourself yoga. Not only will it make you feel better, it will stop you from turning into Homer Simpson.
10. Lastly, enjoy the time off. As I said, you may not get this opportunity of a long time free from work again (unless you’re a student). Some days you’ll be super productive and will have applied for three jobs by lunch, cleaned the oven and alphabetised your books by dinner. Some days you will spend entirely in your pyjamas in front of the telly. Embrace it. Let yourself rest and recover from the reason that you’re unemployed. This may be redundancy, being fired or not being able to find a job since graduating (been there, and it sucks too), or others! When you’re eventually in full-time employment, you’ll probably look back at this time with rose tinted glasses and longingness. Make the most of it while you can!

So, those are my suggestions. But I’d be really intrigued to hear any suggestions you have for keeping sane while being unemployed. I could do with them!

Finally, I trust in God and in his plan and in his goodness. That’s not to say I’m finding this easy, I’m not. But I know that there will be a time when I will look back on this and will be able to say “Ah yes, that’s what that was for…” That may not be for a few years, or even decades, but God is faithful and always has his reasons. He is working in you whether you can feel it or not and he is going to use this time for his glory. If by going through this experience I am able to help or offer hope to anyone out there who may be facing something similar, then I am willing to bear the burden.

^” Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope”- Romans 5:3-4

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight”- Proverbs 3:5-6 (never have I leant on this verse more)

 

*sigh* This book…

I decided I wanted to read Nicole Krauss’ novel after finding this quote from it somewhere…

“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering”

I know, right?? I thought that if that quote was anything to go by, I’d love the rest of the book, and I was right. It is beautifully written with several interweaving stories, which I always love in a book. The whole story revolves around a book called The History of Love, but don’t worry, it’s not as mind-bending as that sounds!

The novel has been translated into more than 25 languages and received rave reviews when it was released in 2005. Here are a few examples, which can be found in the first pages of the book:

“For all the complexity of this book, it has the simplicity of pure emotion, and is a delight because of it.”- The Times

“A tremendous novel that will wring out our tired hearts.”- Colm McCann

“A witty, emotional and ambitiously literary work… populated with sharp, deeply sympathetic characters.”- Rolling Stone

The novel has two main protagonists, the teenager Alma Singer (who was named after every girl in The History of Love) and Leo Gursky, an old immigrant, both of whom live in New York. Leo is lovable, funny and endearing, while still being quite crass! He is aware he’s reaching death so, estranged from his family, he reaches out to his son. Alma is intelligent, a loner and a romantic, longing for her mother to find someone since the death of her husband, Alma’s father. When a man writes and asks Alma’s mother to translate The History of Love from Spanish, Alma seeks to find him, hoping he could be the one for her mother. It is a story of lost love, familial love, friendship love and young love. But at no point is it sappy or sentimental.

There were a few points where I got a bit lost and distracted and a few times I had to flip back to see connections. But this was just due to the lyrical nature of the book, which is what makes it so beautiful.

It’s definitely going to become a favourite of mine; the minute I finished it, I wanted to go back to the beginning and read it again. However, to think that I could encourage one of you to read it for the first time is very exciting! So do please read it so I can chat about it with you, especially if you appreciate well-written literature and it’s been a while since you’ve read a “good” book.

 

 

• The Versions of Us by Laura Barnett- SO SO SO good! Lives up to the hype. Similarly to Life After Life, it has an unusual concept (three different ways life could have gone depending on what happened one afternoon between the two main characters. Imagine Sliding Doors). You find yourself really caring about the characters and, if you’re anything like me, you have a favourite version. It’s largely about how love changes over the years, how life can look so different depending on the decisions you make and, actually, how the “right” decision doesn’t always exist. I highly recommend it.

 

• How to Be Here by Rob Bell- I actually listened to this book *scandalous* and there’s nothing like hearing Rob Bell read his own book to you. Since Rob Bell writes the way he speaks, I actually really enjoyed it. Similarly to Judah Smith, I think you’ll either love or hate Rob Bell. It’s not a very “Christian” book in the way you might expect it to be, there aren’t many Bible references and he sometimes uses “the universe” where I would use God… however, if you go in knowing this and not expecting a “Christian” book then it’s a good one. Especially for those who are job hunting/not enjoying their jobs/not knowing their place in the world.

• A God in Ruins by Kate Atkinson- A “companion piece” to Life After Life, where the protagonist is the brother of the protagonist in L after L. I didn’t enjoy this one as much as L after L, and it is based a lot more on the war. However, still a very well written book and enriches the reading of L and L. The guy who sold me this said it doesn’t matter which book you read first, but read Life after Life first!

 

• The Hen Who Dreamed She Could Fly by Sun-mi Hwang- If I’m honest, I just read this one to bump up my book count… It’s a very short, sweet story about a mother’s love and an ambitious woman (hen). It’s quite absorbing so if you’re not much of a reader, I would recommend it.

 

• The Improbability of Love by Hannah Rothschild- When I got this from Waterstones (other book shops are available), it said it was the most “surprising” book I would read this year. We’ll see about that, but yes this was quite surprising. I think I would have got a lot more out of this book if I had an understanding of and appreciation for the art world, but still I really enjoyed it. The title is quite misleading as I really wouldn’t call the book a love story. It’s quite genre-defying to be honest. It has elements of a “whodunnit”, comedy, history, culture… It’s a great book, with plenty of twists and turns, delightful characters and a love storyline so realistic it’s like an antidote to the typical boy-meets-girl story.  I recommend it.

SO we’re all caught up! I’m going to try and dedicate a blog post to each book and write them as soon as I’ve finished them so I can give a fair reflection of each.

I hope you’ve found these posts interesting/helpful! Any feedback would be much appreciated.

Ciao!

xxx

 

 

Numero tres.

• The Girl at the Lion d’Or by Sebastian Faulks- Sebastian Faulks is a genius and a national treasure so anything by him is going to be great. I read,
  and loved, Birdsong so I knew I would probably enjoy this one and I was right. Not an easy read but a short one. Wonderful imagery and characters, a beautifully written, intriguing story that slowly reveals itself.

 

 

• When Will There be Good News? by Kate Atkinson- My first introduction to Kate Atkinson and it was quite a good read, not brilliantly written but an exciting, dramatic story. It was quite surprising at times and took a number of twists and turns. If you enjoy thrillers and detective stories, you may like this as it’s quite a tame version. I enjoyed it but I don’t think it’s technically a very good book. However….

 

 

• Life After Life by Kate Atkinson- This. Was. Brilliant. Winner of the Costa Novel Award in 2013, this book is so creative and pioneering, almost, if that isn’t too strong a word. The protagonist lives her life again and again so even just the concept of it intrigued me. The characters are multifaceted and interesting and despite reading the same events repeatedly, the story doesn’t get boring. The book itself is brilliantly written and I just can’t recommend it highly enough.

 

 

• Hector and the Search for Happiness by Francois Lelord- A lovely lovely book. Hector is lovable and his life lessons are simple but strikingly poignant. This is a book I actually read after watching the film, but still love the book more! Short and easy to read, it’s just delightful.

 

 

 

• Sandcastle Kings by Rich Wilkerson Jr- A fantastic in-depth look at four stories in Luke chapter 7. I haven’t read a Christian book in a while that is so heavily Bible-based. Rich brings the Bible alive and applies it powerfully to our modern lives. I would highly recommend this, especially if you want to delve into the Bible a bit deeper. I read this as a normal book on retreat but I’d actually suggest using it as a Bible study and maybe reading a section/chapter a day.

 

 

 

I can lend you any of these apart from Life After Life, which I borrowed from the library. So you can get it from there 🙂

xxx

Here is the second instalment of my reading challenge 🙂

• Our Endless Numbered Days by Claire Fuller- I really really loved this book. Quite a dark subject matter but very well written, the characters were believable and lovable and you really go on a journey with the protagonist. It’s quite similar to Room, both in subject matter and delivery. I would highly recommend it (plus Claire Fuller did her MA at the Uni of Winchester, so y’know, represent!) Fans of Iron and Wine may recognise the title as the same as an album of his, and Fuller thanks Sam Beam in her acknowledgements. In hindsight, you can hear his music throughout this novel in the descriptions and the atmosphere. Beautiful.

 

• Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez- An oldie, but a goodie. So beautifully written (I believe Marquez once said he preferred the English translation to his Spanish original!). Rich, evocative imagery and a long, sprawling story over a number of years involving a number of characters. Hilarious, heartbreaking, wise and whimsical. It’s a long book so it took me a while but it’s just delicious, a classic for a reason.

 

 

• Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig- A super short, easy to read book that taught me a lot. As someone with loved ones suffering from depression, it aided my understanding of their illness and also helped me see how much I don’t really understand it. It’s very well written with honesty, practical guidance, humour and poignant affirmations. I’d recommend it to anyone, especially those with mental health issues and their loved ones.

 

 

• Night Music by Jojo Moyes- I just love Jojo Moyes. It’s great. Not as good as
  Me Before You, but a good holiday read. The characters and their relationships are complex and well crafted and the story comes to a dramatic climax. So definitely read it if you’re a Moyes fan. Just read all of hers, tbh. She’s a master storyteller.

 

 

 

• Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert- Loved the book, love her. Gilbert wrote “Eat Pray Love” which may help you decide if you want to read this book!! It’s nonfiction but so creative and so much fun. I would love to be Gilbert’s friend and just chat with her. Whether you consider yourself creative or not (and Gilbert argues that EVERYONE is creative), I’d really recommend it. It’s easy to read, will make you think and may just encourage you to live more adventurously.

 

 

I can lend you all of the above! Or check out your local library 🙂

xx

At the beginning of this year, instead of a new years resolution, I set myself the ambitious challenge of reading 50 books in 2016. I felt that at the end of the year, I wanted to have achieved something and, since I love reading, cramming a load of books into my eyes and brain seemed like a good choice!!

As a companion to that (so something I really should have started at the beginning of the year), a few people have suggested I blog about the books I’ve read and whether I’d recommend them. I too am often curious as to what to read next so if I can help friends to choose their next book, that would be great!

Some of them are novels, some are Christian books, some are nonfiction.

As I’ve already read 20, we need a few catch-up posts! Rather than do all 20 at once, I’m going to do them in blocks of 5. Then from here on out, I’ll do a blog post per book.Or I may carry on in blocks of 5… Who knows. So here’s your first lot:

• The Heart of Church and Mission by Bryan Knell- This is a bit of an odd one to begin with as I had to read it for work…. BUT…. I found it a really useful and insightful look into how the Church today engages with mission and mission agencies. I didn’t agree with everything Bryan said (making it even more interesting) but I enjoyed the different ways he said the Church should be engaging with mission and how mission agencies should be engaging with the Church. It was a particularly useful and enlightening book to read in the role I had at Latin Link, which involved engaging with churches who were sending members of their congregation to Latin America. Still, I’d recommend it to anyone, especially those in church leadership. It’s super short and, if anything, will make you think about your views on Church and mission.

• After You by Jojo Moyes- The sequel to the wonderful Me Before You. This book was
  brilliant, very touching and an insightful look into what living with grief looks like. I gobbled it up. Lou Clark is such a lovable, believable character and you really feel for her pain and
  loss, especially if you read the previous book. In ways, you feel like you mourn with her… Nevertheless, there are still funny bits and warm romantic parts. I really enjoyed it, but not as much as Me Before You as it lacks the relationship between Lou and Will, which, in my opinion, was the best part of that book.  Still would recommend it, but read Me Before You first.

 

• A Guide to the Beasts of East Africa by Nicholas Drayson- A novel, not an actual guide… Another sequel, but this one just as good as the first one (A Guide to the Birds of East Africa). Just one of those books where nothing much happens but you grow to love the characters and their relationships.The imagery and characters really capture the essence of Africa and transport you there. A lovely, light read that’s a lot of fun. You don’t necessarily have to have read the first one, though it may help you better understand the characters.

 

• Life Is… by Judah Smith- Another sequel (to Jesus Is…)! I think you’ll either love or hate the way Judah Smith writes. I enjoy it, though I can see why some wouldn’t. It’s very American but full of stories and helpful imagery… The fact I can’t remember much of it shows it didn’t have a very big impact on me but an easy to read Christian book which can help with devotions etc.

 

 

• The Buried Giant by Kazuo Ishiguro- I was surprised at how much I didn’t like this book… I LOVED Never Let Me Go but this book was a bit too fantasy for me. I’m not a fan of books like Lord of the Rings, but if you are then you might enjoy this! It’s a long read and is very well written but I guess I just didn’t “get” it. I think it may be allegorical but I’m not sure what the message was… It would get 3 stars from me, but just because I don’t tend to go for those kinds of books. If you’re into fantasy books, you may love it!

 

 

So there’s your first lot! If you have any questions, ask away! I have all of them apart from Church and Mission, if you would like to borrow them 🙂 I’m a firm believer in sharing books and using our local library.

xxx

There aren’t many things I hate. I’m scared of bats, I don’t like eggs or nuts and I really don’t like it when people are mean or rude to others. But one thing I really do hate is depression. Depression is a thief. It steals days, weeks, months, sometimes even years. It steals people. It’s stolen my mum, my husband, a number of my friends and other family members. It steals memories. I had a wonderful childhood but there are some memories depression has claimed. It steals desire, hope, joy and energy. It steals motivation and focus. It has stolen from me time and time again. But, it hasn’t stolen me. I am merely an observer, a bystander, as it steals from my loved ones. Some struggle more with it than others. Some can cope with medication, space and friends. Some you wouldn’t even know suffer from it. But us humans are great actors. We wear convincing masks and tell convincing stories. Stories like “I’m fine” and “it doesn’t bother me” and “I’m not scared”. The gift and curse of being close to those struggling with The Thief is that you see right through those masks. The tone of voice, the faded light in their eyes, the way they hold themselves. You can read them, and you do read them out of concern if they’re OK. Sometimes you’re looking for something that’s not even there and they really are fine. But the anxiety is present until you’re convinced. It makes me sad that so many people I know struggle with depression. Ignorance may say it makes me depressed. But I know I’ve never felt that weight. Never felt that darkness. As much as I say I’d rather it be me than them, I don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s not something to wish on anyone. People with depression have been campaigning to convince others that it is a real illness, it needs to be taken seriously, it needs funding for treatment. But me, I don’t need any more convincing. I’ve held my mum’s hand as we’ve walked through a crowded room and sat waiting for her to return after running away. I’ve sat with my husband during a panic attack and given him space when I’ve needed him. I have visited a friend in hospital after she put herself there. This is no joke. This is not feeling down or under the weather. This is not something you can snap out of, though I’m very guilty of wishing they just would. This is real. And I hate it. The pain it’s causing me is negligible next to the pain it’s causing them. But it does hurt me. How can it not? My days are at the mercy of my husband’s moods. My heart has been broken listening to my mum crying down the phone. My mind is stuck on whether my friend is going to die. Depression, I hate you. But you will not steal me too. I will fight you. I will shine light into the darkness you cover them with. I will speak truth into the lies you whisper in their ears. I will hold them together as you try to pull them apart. You will not win. Love will win. Hope will win. We will win. You can piss off.