In my late teens or early twenties, my mum told me that she could really see me as a stay-at-home mum. For some reason, I found this incredibly insulting and said “don’t you want more for me than that?!” I’m not sure what the “more” I was referring to was and I do not fail to see the irony that now I’m a stay-at-home mum to three glorious children who I grew myself in my own body and who are, and probably will always be, my greatest achievements.
I’ve been thinking about this in between putting a wash on, hanging a wash up, putting another wash on, then settling a baby. Past me may look at present me and wonder where I’ve gone, where my dreams have gone in the laundry pile which is never ending and the changing and feeding two small babies; where my biggest adventure is when my toddler tries to escape the play park. But it is in this chaos, in this simple ordinariness, that I think I’ve found myself. Of course I still have dreams, most of which I’ve now realised will never actually happen. But I’m ok with that, and, hey, I might still get to write that novel. I might still get to be in that Broadway show and I still might be a popstar and go on tour with Britney Spears, who knows? But this place God has brought me to, with all its noise and mess, is a place where I find joy and meaning in my life.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t always love being a stay-at-home mum. Sometimes the endless vomit and toddler emotional rollercoasters are draining, and housework will never be my friend. Once the kids are in school and my husband is a vicar, I may want to look at doing something else. Or not. Right now I can’t think of a job I’d want to do more than staying at home with the kids. Not even a job in an international charity, which was the dream when I was at university. But that’s an insane privilege to have and it might not always be that way.
Where am I going with this? It’s ok to be content with where you are. It’s ideal, actually. Life has seasons and the season you’re in may not be the most productive or fruitful (but if you’re raising kids, what could be more fruitful than that?) Life is surprising and the next season may be one of great activity and output. Just try resting in the season you’re in.