This week I took myself off for a quiet morning at Saint Columba’s House in Woking. It had been rescheduled once and it couldn’t have come at a better time. It feels like I’ve been carrying a lot lately, with even just the week leading up to the retreat being full of stress. To top things off, on the day itself, one of the twins was ill so both of them ended up staying at home with my husband instead of going to preschool. So I was going in feeling like I had a lot to process and feeling a mixed bag of emotions.

When I first arrived, I was given a short tour then taken to the small room which would be mine for the duration of my visit. There were bookcases filled with study, devotion and reference books, three chairs and a comfy sofa with huge cushions. I settled myself in, took my shoes off to make myself comfortable, sat back on the sofa and nestled my feet into the soft, thick rug. For the first time in a while I just sat there, not doing anything. Having time away in a different place means that you can just sit there as there is nothing for you to do. At home there are constant demands, even if the kids aren’t there. There is washing to be done, a dishwasher to be emptied, clothes to be put away, bins to be taken out. Away from home, those obligations aren’t there, whispering to you, so you can sit and totally shut off. So that’s what I did for about 5 minutes, and I felt a weight lift off me just by doing that.

I had come armed with my Bible, journal and a couple of books but I was really hoping to find a resource to guide my thinking during the morning. Thankfully, due to sheer luck (aka God’s provision), amongst the hundreds of books on the bookcase next to me, I spotted Creative Ideas for Quiet Days by Sue Pickering. It’s really intended for group, corporate retreats, but I was able to use it for my own personal time. There were several themed days offered in the book with some liturgy, Bible readings, talks and activities for each one.

After picking a theme and reading through the liturgy, the Bible reading and the short talks, I turned to my journal to complete some of the activities. One activity encouraged me to make a timeline of transitions I have been through in my life and note where God had been at work each time. This was actually very moving as I noted down all the different places I’ve lived and the many friendships and accomplishments I’ve collected along the way. Of course I included my husband, my children and my closest friends but also the fruit that was revealed in each area, like getting my degree, discovering some gifts and receiving support for our son. The timeline clearly illuminated all the ways God had been faithful throughout my life, no matter where in the world I was, what I was doing or who I was with. It’s often only in hindsight that we can really see God’s faithfulness and how He actually was with us in those dark times where we couldn’t see Him or didn’t know what He was up to. It made me think of a song that has been resounding in my mind for weeks, particularly this verse:

I’ve still got joy in chaos
I’ve got peace that makes no sense
So I won’t be going under
I’m not held by my own strength
‘Cause I’ve built my life on Jesus
He’s never let me down
He’s faithful in every season
So why would He fail now?
He won’t (Firm Foundation by Maverick City Music)

Looking back, I can see how trustworthy and faithful God has been. So when I’m looking forward into the unknown, I need to hold onto that knowledge and trust that He never changes so He will do the same again. Easier said than done, I know, and I often fail. But God knows that, so He can remind us how He’s carried us in the past. That’s part of the reason why I love having a journal, as any day of the week I can flick back through it and see how things have changed, prayers that have been answered and mysteries that have been revealed.

I’m a big fan of writing out my thoughts to help make sense of them, clear the chaff and have realisations I can’t get from working things through in my head. However I so rarely have the time to commit to do this properly in a focused way. The time alone on retreat was perfect for this and I left feeling more clarity and peace in my heart, even without knowing what our future holds.

I also visited the wonderful oratory chapel at the retreat centre which has beautiful acoustics and was a wonderful place to sing to God by myself.

The final aspect of my quiet morning I just want to touch on is the conversation I had with a spiritual director. A spiritual director, according to the Exeter Diocese, is an individual who accompanies someone else on a journey to a deeper relationship with God. They provide a confidential listening ear, as well as prayer, encouragement and guidance in the life-long journey of spiritual maturity. I only had a short 30 minute discussion with the spiritual director, but it was helpful for a number of reasons, not least to be able to offload to someone not emotionally connected to us or our situation in any way but who nevertheless understood the situation, and understood terms like “curacy” and “diocese” without them needing explanation. It was all totally confidential and I was able to be open and honest about my relationship with God free from judgement and unwarranted advice (because her advice was very warranted!) One thing she recommended was getting my own spiritual director in the future who I could regularly see, which is something I’ve been considering anyway. Like any relationship, sometimes our relationship with God needs help along the way, and spiritual directors can journey with you in that.

I’ve been fortunate enough to visit a few retreat centres and Saint Columba’s House is definitely one of the more modern ones and I’d say felt slightly more corporate. However, that did not get in the way of me meeting with God! My quiet morning at Saint Columba’s was on a donation only basis (I bought a book from them which was £18), but most retreat centres do charge, especially if you’re staying the night.

So there is the (rather thorough) lowdown of the wonderful few hours I spent on retreat. I would highly recommend retreats to any Christian but especially if you are going through a tough time or are facing a difficult decision or transition. Life is so busy that it is sometimes necessary to carve out time to remove yourself from your daily life and go and sit somewhere with God for a bit.

Here are the retreat places I’ve visited and would recommend:

Saint Columba’s House, Woking

The Greenhouse Christian Centre, Poole

Stanton House, Oxford

The House of Bread, Cotswolds